The Mother of all Problems

Introduction All of my life I've lived with favouritism, though I never understood why it existed. We all knew it happened, it wasn't exactly hidden, but we didn't see what was really going on and how widespread it was. But if you grow up in a forest, you don't find anything unusual about the number of trees. In later years, I became a father and I realised that I felt no desire to continue this pattern with my own children. As far as I could see, each of my kids was special in their own way and choosing just one for "special treatment" would be damnable. In truth, I'm fascinated by how different each one of them is, so it would be like comparing apples with oranges. I'd already gone no-contact with my father because he'd become too uncomfortable to deal with, but then a couple of years ago, I got dragged back into this world when my sister started having a lot of problems with him. They'd never had a comfortable relationship, but som...

A couple of weeks ago my oldest son left home and moved into a flat close to where he was working. Unfortunately it's also closer to where his narcissistic mother lives and I was quite alarmed to hear on my first visit to hear how much she'd started to "reel him back in" for narcissistic supply. She's already tricked him into supplying her with a key and he now thinks she deserves to be trusted again. I told him at the time that I thought his loyalty was misguided and followed up with this email.. Son, When I was a kid I was heavily influenced by my father, but in a slightly different way to your experience. The outcome was nevertheless the same. It ruined my life, causing me to make poor choices and left me broken. Often my Dad would go into a rage or be a bit too brutal, then later realise he'd been a dick. But he'd never, ever say I'm sorry or promise never to do it again. What he'd do instead was pretend it hadn't happened and try ...

When my marriage ended a few years ago, I was quick to start online dating as a means to trying to fill the void in my life. I was pretty lonely, I'd lost my home, access to my kids and was forced to stay in a bed and breakfast while I found somewhere to rent. While chatting online and meeting people helped drive away some of the isolation, my family members and friends (that cared) expressed concern that I might be too vulnerable. I wondered at the time if they were right, and when it might pass? It was an interesting time in my life, and based on some of the women I met, they were right to be a little concerned. But looking back on my life as a whole, I'd say as an empathic person that I've always been vulnerable, and frequently treated poorly. I've always been attracted to people who are highly opinionated and sure of themselves, although I've never really understood why, until a few months ago. Relationships have followed a similar path and as a result I e...

You've just met someone new and they seem absolutely perfect,.. your dream partner. It's full on, it's exciting and they tell you how great you are together.   Out of the blue, they reveal something bad that happened to them. Now you feel angry, yet more emotionally connected and determined to help them through it. But, stop and think... There's a few things going on here that I've experienced a number of times. You might find it hugely flattering that somebody seems to feel so strongly about you, but stop for a second and consider, is this how normal people act, or does it just feel too good to be true? And why did they rush into telling you their dark secret? Let's take things one point at a time. 1. They seem perfect for you. What are the odds that you actually have found someone who's a perfect match in every way? They might:- like your music tastes. like the TV shows you watch. fit in too well with your friends and family. share you...

Introduction Over my last three blog posts, I've shared what I've learnt about narcissists and how this impacts my children. I've also continued to read more about the subject and investigate other puzzling behaviours from people I've encountered from my past. It seems to me that the following is true:- Narcissism is a driving force behind a lot of difficult relationships. Narcissism is easily passed down to the next generation. The behaviours of Narcissism are varied, but always destructive. Today I'm going to focus on "passing down to the next generation" by considering an incident where an old friend decided to cut ties with me. With Friends Like These..... I met my friend at University in the early 90's and although we had very different backgrounds, we shared an interest in music and sci-fi, and had a similar sense of humour. Things were going great until we both failed our end-of-year exams. His family only lived a few miles from th...

I was Wrong In my last blog I stated that I didnt believe my ex-wife was narcissistic, but I was wrong. It wasn't until I posted a link onto the reddit group,  raisedbynarcissists  that somebody put me straight. lituritu  said.. " It is possible that she is just toxic. But it is also possible that he just doesn't see her as narcissistic simply because he doesn't know what a narcissist is and how they behave. Most of the bullet points really point to the latter. I have to say though, this sounds very familiar to many of the experiences we share here with covert narcissism, all the way down to the "She thinks her brother has it easier" (aka. she is the best at suffering..). She was even treated poorly by her own narcissist mother, and I very much recognize even that horrible tension at the dinner table that he writes about. " It's true, I'd only considered the classical meaning inspired by the Greek mythological hunter who was in love wit...