The Mother of all Problems

Introduction In my last post I touched on the impact of my father's favouritism. All three of us have (or have had) relationship breakdowns with my father and none of us have made it into adulthood without issues. As a child, I was the one selected to prop-up his ego, not because I was particularly special in any way, but because I was his oldest son. I grew up with an skewed view on life, finding it difficult to express or defend my opinions, and leaving me vulnerable to other narcissists . After I grew too old for these duties, I started a life with a new narcissist, later to be known as "my wife, and more recently, ex-wife", or just "The Witch" for short. My father had picked out a replacement favourite from his 2nd wife's granddaughters (let's call her Anthea), and I suddenly found him difficult to deal with. The day my first son was born, I called my Dad to tell him the news. I'd hoped he'd be as excited as I was, but all he wante...

Introduction All of my life I've lived with favouritism, though I never understood why it existed. We all knew it happened, it wasn't exactly hidden, but we didn't see what was really going on and how widespread it was. But if you grow up in a forest, you don't find anything unusual about the number of trees. In later years, I became a father and I realised that I felt no desire to continue this pattern with my own children. As far as I could see, each of my kids was special in their own way and choosing just one for "special treatment" would be damnable. In truth, I'm fascinated by how different each one of them is, so it would be like comparing apples with oranges. I'd already gone no-contact with my father because he'd become too uncomfortable to deal with, but then a couple of years ago, I got dragged back into this world when my sister started having a lot of problems with him. They'd never had a comfortable relationship, but som...

A couple of weeks ago my oldest son left home and moved into a flat close to where he was working. Unfortunately it's also closer to where his narcissistic mother lives and I was quite alarmed to hear on my first visit to hear how much she'd started to "reel him back in" for narcissistic supply. She's already tricked him into supplying her with a key and he now thinks she deserves to be trusted again. I told him at the time that I thought his loyalty was misguided and followed up with this email.. Son, When I was a kid I was heavily influenced by my father, but in a slightly different way to your experience. The outcome was nevertheless the same. It ruined my life, causing me to make poor choices and left me broken. Often my Dad would go into a rage or be a bit too brutal, then later realise he'd been a dick. But he'd never, ever say I'm sorry or promise never to do it again. What he'd do instead was pretend it hadn't happened and try ...

When my marriage ended a few years ago, I was quick to start online dating as a means to trying to fill the void in my life. I was pretty lonely, I'd lost my home, access to my kids and was forced to stay in a bed and breakfast while I found somewhere to rent. While chatting online and meeting people helped drive away some of the isolation, my family members and friends (that cared) expressed concern that I might be too vulnerable. I wondered at the time if they were right, and when it might pass? It was an interesting time in my life, and based on some of the women I met, they were right to be a little concerned. But looking back on my life as a whole, I'd say as an empathic person that I've always been vulnerable, and frequently treated poorly. I've always been attracted to people who are highly opinionated and sure of themselves, although I've never really understood why, until a few months ago. Relationships have followed a similar path and as a result I e...